c'est la vie...

रात

2011-12-09T23:04:00.003+05:30

हर रात की अपनी एक खुशबू होती हैं

कुछ में तन्हाई, रजनीगंधा सी महक उठती हैं
कुछ पुरानी जुदाईओं को आपके ख्यालों में पिरोती हैं
कुछ बेला की लताओं जैसे आपसे लिपट जाती हैं

कुछ उस बेबस औरत सी आपको लगती हैं
जो कभी आप हो, पर कह नहीं पाते
कुछ आवारा मंडराती भवरों सी
कुछ बिगड़े बच्चों की छटपटाहट सी

इन्ही में से एक रात भेजी है तुम्हे, बंद एक लिफाफे में
सारे काम छोड़, सौंप देना खुद को उसके हवालें
नहीं ... कुछ पाने के लिए नहीं
सबकुछ खो देने की लालच में

इसी रात में, जोड़ पाओं अगर ख़ुद को ख़ुद से
तो कल की पहली धूप कर देना मेरे हवाले

ख़लिश सी हैं

2011-07-15T15:58:00.012+05:30

रूहानी कुछ शब्द कहे थे तुमने
हसीन ख्याब के साये पले थे वो

ख़लिश सी हैं की .. अब महज़ एक याद है वो

ग़ालिब और फ़ैज़ के पन्नो से उठाकर
लाए थे कुछ शेर तुम मुझतक
"हम" शब्द से एक ख़्याल बुना था जो

ख़लिश सी हैं की .. अब महज़ एक याद है वो

एक कविता भी लिखी थी तुमने
ज़िक्र मेरा भी था उसमे
मरते इनसां सा पाक जस्बां था वो

ख़लिश सी हैं की .. अब महज़ एक याद है वो

.. so ?

2010-06-14T13:07:00.004+05:30

.. yes.. may be I don't know him that well

but I ..

know his dreams, disillusion and discomforts
the color of his eyes and the smell of him
the stretch marks, black moles and cuts
the injuries .. on his skin and on memories
the childhood etched in sweet sibling rivalry
the mistakes of his youth and pride of loss
the dried flowers in his old unused dairies
the slips, slang, revenge and redemption
the poem which he baked in the sunshine
the phrase which he placed well in the bin
the nostalgia that defines his subdued pride
the faces from past which still bring his spark
the idiosyncrasies, day dreams and escapism
the care out of love and love out of fear of loss
the abrupt switch of his thoughts and silly jokes
the pain in his happiness and that half smile

I thought .. I know quite a lot.. but may be not..

हाँ, ना और यूँही

2010-05-21T13:54:00.001+05:30

A Close Letter To Ma

2010-05-07T14:07:00.021+05:30

I have always wondered what a love-hate relationship I share with you.. at times more hate than love.. and whatever struggling love there is.. it is mostly suppressed by regular worldly chaos.

You know me .. so you know how bad I am at showing my weak, emotional, dependent self ..it either never comes out.. or comes in an ugly shape.. especially to you. I can never be the type who calls and says.. "Ma.. I love u", I rather call.. scream at you.. "why can't u pick up the call in first 3 rings".. Ma, does that hurt you ?

When you try to confide your fears in me.. I revert back.. "oh ma.. no negativity please".. does that make u sad ?

I can't see you so fragile.. is it wrong to expect mothers to grow up?

So often when you cry and try to hide in me.. I’ve never encouraged that.. I want you to be strong enough so that I can hide in you when I want to cry.. does that not mean I need you?

you still expect me to write a poem or make greeting cards for you.. I can't Ma..Those mushy lines are too shallow for me now, does my being crude bother you ?

Yeah I do like kids who hug their moms and say "u define me".. but I use you as my punching bag.. I vomit all my frustrations and expect you to be my silent absorbent.. I know I am wrong.. but doesn’t it tell you how much I need you?

I will never get any answers.. me being myself will never allow me to pose these questions to you.

Still..can't I expect you to know without telling that I love you?

That Stranger Bong Kaku

2010-04-07T10:49:00.002+05:30

He.. who was no one to me few days back.. he was a distant stranger.. living his own old, slightly tarnished, quite protective, regular family life.
I just met him once for some 10 mins, dont even remember how he looked.. just a faint memory of old, tall , spectacled bong kaku.

He is going to die in few hours from now.. or may be elapsed by the time I finish writing this piece.

Get to know 3 days back that he fall down.. and bleeded from ears and head.. hospitalized by bunch of strangers in the road. Who then searched the last dialed number from his cell phone which luckily was his son's number. In few moments families gathered in the hospital. I wasn't that shock with the news.. ok we do fall down on streets.. he is old.. and he bleeded.. still .. by night there's new addition to the incident.. its 'Brain Haemorrhage'. I felt bad.. but the feeling was not any intense to reside deep in me.. I hardly know him..

With 1 day passing Doctor asked for operation, with a disclaimer.. if he goes through it survival chances are 7%, else 10%.. family members were asked to take the decision.. it was such a bitter feeling for me.. what kind of options life was giving to those folks.. it was a choice between death sooner or death little later.. life wasn't any option..

with one more day passing.. I was gradually getting more connected to that stranger old kaku.. it was never a conscious shift for me.. but my unusual self wasn't allowing me completely detached myself from him.

Post operation the conscious will take 24 - 48 to come. Till then wait and watch.. how life and death dances in duet !

Condition deteriorated..

Final blow came with the verdicts from doctor.. no more chances.. take the ventilator out and let him go in peace..

Now family has again given a choice, either take the ventilator out now and make him eternal or let him struggle for few more days waiting for natural death to embrace him. Again, life wasn't any option..

Just heard, His ventilators has been taken out..

We all are just waiting !

I want to run away !

2010-03-31T11:12:00.004+05:30

Just not able to gather myself and start the long pending assignments in office.. My working hat simply refuse to fit in my head.. Like a school kid I am praying desperately for an obituary or rainy day and get my bicycle and head back home. I want to run away !

The morning was beautiful today. Cold calm waves were pampering me from last night.. even the dirty balcony was looking serene.. I want to get back home and spend the day sitting on the chair next to the balcony. Either start reading a new book or playing with blog templates.. if not anything I'll simply curdle in the bed thinking of the all the things i'll do someday when I will retire...

Webcenter and Web2.0 terms are floating above my head.. like a dyslexic child.. I wish I can ran away.. like that kid in the movie.. i'll also spend the entire day roaming alone in busy streets.. collecting fishes from mud.. paint a brush in local construction site.. get into the city bus without knowing where its heading to.. where no one will ask me about my assignments and I am not liable to abide the deadlines. I find it really disgusting that 'what I am' is determined by how much I worked.. I know I am paid for that... still.. I want to run away !

I want to take a sudden break from what I am expected to finish by day end and rather simply rest on an arm chair and fold my hand behind my head and think when was the first time I smell a flower and suddenly the butterfly popped out.. when the first time I saw the sea and start jumping like a crazy ball.. when was that first moment of childhood kiss... when the first time I stole coins from grandpa's bowl .. all those firsts.. which become lasts forever as price of my growing up !

I will take a break .. with cuppa coffee.. and will think of all those silly moments when I made no stone unturned to prove how foolish I am.. I will remember when I woke up in the evening from a deep sleep and was really confused whether is morning or evening.. I even brushed my teeth and was about to took bath... when I was alone at home and closed the latch tying a rope around and went to market to search my mom... When I used to keep my mom's footwear beneath the pillow so that she can never go away from me.. when someone told me that food is swollen quickly if we chew it 64 times.. and I really tried that...when to show my utter mannerism I used to leave my footwear before entering the classroom..

I need myself.. so, I want to run away !

कहानी

2010-02-12T15:34:00.006+05:30

Till date I haven't wrote a single short story ... but can that stop me from dreaming that there will be a day when I will publish my book of short stories ? So, without writing a single story I wrote the preface my book which I dream to publish some day :) ........... Ameen !!

कहानियाँ .. हम में से किसी से जुदा नहीं .. हर एक की अपनी एक कहानी होती ही .. जो उसके शक्शियत को बयान करती हैं और साथ ही उससे जुडी घटनाक्रम का वर्णन करती है ... और ऐसी कई शक्शियत मिल जाये तो कहानी कुछ और रंगीन हो जाती है .. कुछ और घटनाये जुड़ जाये तो रोमांच थोड़ा और बढ जाता है .. हर कहानी की एक शुरुवात होती है और एक अंत ... सूत्रधार आपको इन कहानियों के माध्यम से अपनी कल्पना में रची बसी दुनिया की सैर कराता है ..

अब तक मैंने जो बोला उसमे कुछ भी नयापन नहीं था .. क्यूंकि मेरी कहानी के पत्रों में कुछ नया नहीं हैं ...ना ही वह ऐसे घटनाक्रम से गुजरे ही जो अब तक घटी ही न हो .. फिर आप मेरी कहानी में रूचि क्योँ लेंगे ? शायद इसलिए की एक अदने इंसान की जीवनी हमे हमारे कुछ पाने की उम्मीद और कुछ खो जाने की अफ़सोस की बीच की निरंतन कड़ी लगती हैं ... हमे हर मामूली इंसान की हार और जीत में अपना अक्स दिखता हैं ... क्यूंकि कही न कही हम सब बेहद मामूली हैं और वही मामूली रूप से हम अपने आप को सबसे ज्यादा जोड़ पाते हैं .. एक मोड़ पे आके हर हार और हर जीत थम जाती हैं

... आखिर में कुछ रह जाती हैं तो बस कहानियाँ !

दिवाली पे

2009-10-15T18:40:00.009+05:30

अजी हमने कब कहा, दिवाली हमे पसंद नहीं

वो तो हम रोंशनी की आदत, डालना नहीं चाहते

अँधेरे से अपनापन, खुदी शौक से आदत बनी

अब दीयों की तपिश में सुख सेंकना नहीं चाहते

जब सुकून मेरा खुद को खुदी तक रखने से हैं

तब लोगो से मिलने की आदत, डालना नहीं चाहते

अब इसे आप संकीर्ण सोच कहो या हमारी कायरता

अपनी इस जिद पे और बहस, करना नहीं चाहते

Swine Flu

2009-08-13T17:33:00.002+05:30

डर बेहद बदसूरत हैं , इसमे कोई दोराए नही
पर निहत्ते डरे आपस में , समझ यह आए नहीं

वह सवस्थ, सबल इंसान डरता हैं मासूम की छींक से
मिलता हैं मास्क पहन के आखरी साँस गिन रहे मरीज से

वह इंसान भी मरीज हैं ... डर का

पर वह बाप भी हैं, दो छोटे बच्चों का
आज वह निडर बने घर फ्लू ले आए
तो कल सब डरेंगे उसके बच्चों की छींक से

इससे बड़ा अफ़सोस क्या होगा की
वह इंसान किसी की शक्ति से नही
बल्कि असमर्थता से डरा हुआ हैं

डर बेहद बदसूरत हैं , इसमे कोई दोराए नही
पर निहत्ते डरे आपस में , समझ यह आए नहीं

Lets get Spoiled !

2009-05-16T11:12:00.002+05:30

No matter how weird it may sound but being pampered when you are wrong is a real luxury, a relation can afford.. to think of how many relations you can count who gives you cushion comfort when you are on the wrong side of an argument ?

When you know you deserved to be called right.. getting upper hand in relation is a natural expectation.. but then how rare is the privilege when you did or said something miserable and expect the counterpart to still come to you and sooth you.. they still pamper your ego.. let you spoil.. spoil to the extend of being a dog !

Yeah I am advocating the comfort you need when you are wrong.. for one sole reason.. when you are rational and practical and completely right in a argument the only thing you feel bad is the lack of understanding your counterpart is showing.. but when you are on the other side.. uttering the shit you should never think of.. you suffer from dual hit.. first the negative vibes a argument is bringing with itself and secondly the guilt feeling that surrounds you ..

Dont give me such a perplexed look.. its OK to get spoil and expect someone to spoil you... as long as the instrument of spoiling is pure and platonic love !

Of Caramel.. Crunch and Calmness

2009-04-06T15:24:00.001+05:30

CARAMEL
How do you feel..
when you are on the end of the world.. the one more step you will take .. you are off for ever.. the end is on top of the rocky earth.. can see starry sky above and space in surrounding.. you always dream to be on top of world.. but never this way .. the air is choking .. so poisonous.. the one more breath you take.. that's the last breath of yours.... you are all alone.. stars never looked so fearful.. neither the openness was this suffocating..everything is unusually calm as the whole nature is waiting just for you to die.. they are holding their breath .. waiting for you to take the final plunge and then they may resume their work...you are unknown to them but its their gesture to gift you the peace when you are dying.. you know well that rocky earth you are standing.. contains enormous human like creature inside.. but you can't decide you love to die in this moment of unusual calmness or can afford to live slipping into the earth again..

CRUNCH
Restlessness, fear and impatience are the definitions you will always use to characterize her.. not a single day she wouldn't have questioned her existence.. every one she would have met by now.. at least for once she must have believed that person.. but never herself.. people always scares her.. she can't judge multidimensional.. human are most complex puzzle for her..to simplify she always create a two dimension frame which she can understand and try fitting every person in that frame.. if fits.. bingo .. else scary ! Calmness is a seasonal treat for her.. the last incident of calmness she reported was when she took a Ferrero Rocher in her mouth.. nuts and crunch were pampering all her teeth.. chocolate melts as if wooing her tongue.. hazel nuts is yet to be cracked... she is already in a trans state

Nano

2009-03-24T12:32:00.005+05:30

Nano Released.. I wish, for every thing big in life there exists a smaller version

1. There exists a smaller solar system which makes a day last for an hr only and every week the season changes
2. There exists a 2000 sq ft world... Drawing room room will be US , toilets are Europe but Kitchen should be India
3. A small ganga .. start from Himalaya in boss's desk and merged to sea of my colleague's desk.. i'll feel the serene and constant flow passing through my desk
4. Will have a small version of myself , will witness my life(again) in front of myself..

Ameen !!!

होली पे ...

2009-03-11T11:37:00.008+05:30

लाल रंग की स्याही से हरे रंग का स्केच बनाया कभी ?

क्योँ हरे पत्तों को निचोड़ने से पीला रंग तो निकलता है ना ?

काले रंग का न्यूनतम कालापन सफ़ेद ही तो होता है

रंगों की एक ही सच्चाई है - कंट्रास्ट

जिंदगी का आखरी रंग निचोड़ना कभी

बचपना जरूर झलकेगा !!

Celebration means what?

2009-03-08T17:00:00.000+05:30

Happy Women Day !! errr.. oops Happy International Women Day!!

So, we are today celebrating the Womanhood , their power, accomplishment, struggle - internationally .. There are many who proactively celebrates Womens day .. that includes :

Leading newspaper featuring column of leading ladies to gain sale per copies
magazines getting a reason for featuring women on cover page
Brand shops yearning for excuse to dispatch off season sales
vegetable shops giving discount of 1 to 5 rupees in per kg's of vegetables ....

If you closely observe the women covered by a leading news paper asking them to write article/blog... all of those womens have been picked strategically who possess a fair share in page 3.. or have that quotient which connect them with kitty party women to boardroom guys.. there was a article by Amrita Rao ... ohh yeah i forgot her accomplishment in multistarrer VIVAH and hep look in "My name is anthony.. or whatever".. and Vandana Luthra who says to show intelligence you need to beautiful(sorry if that was a underplayed and sophisticated VLCC advertisement).. Shobha Dey suggest all women needs to play the monopoly of having a womb (surely Shobha... we expect that from you..)

My cell is flooded with sms-es wishing women day...

To all males who send the wishes I'll ask : whats the fun of cleaning the rug or the carpet by hiding all the dust beneath?
To all females : "Dear.. why making a fool of ourself" ??

At first place the existence of a day like WOMEN DAY surprises me.. why dont we have a INTERNATIONAL MEN DAY ??

I am not here digging women issues suffered by rural, uneducated, poor women.. even a women of upper middle class .. juggling between career to life..suffered by high expections most of the time by no one else but herself.. not sure what she wants from her life.. pushing herself in both male predominent work culture and more often a male defined relationships.. is trapped by a vicious circle of demand and supply chain of expectations from womenhood.

With every gradual years the popularity of women day is increasing/advertising immensely and hence I understand a day like this means a lot to TV and newspapers reporters, jewellery showrooms owners, event organizers, Female activists...

but taking all wrappers out .. what does 8th March 2009 - "International Women Day" means to a WOMAN??

...except a lazy sunday ???

खून

2008-05-20T16:44:00.000+05:30

आज मेरे हाथों एक खून हुआ है

आखीर मैंने भी अब तक सहन कीया ...
हर बार... हर बार...
मेरा ही गला घोटने की कोशिश की है
मेरे सपनों ने...

एक उम्मीद का सहारा ले कुछ कदम चलती
ठोकर मार साली अपना रुख ही बदल लेती
गालीयाँ मैंने भी सही है
मुझ पर व्यंग कर ठहाके मार हँसी है
मेरी हर उम्मीद...

नाजो से पला हर आंस को
अभी जाने एक मासूम की तरह
जैसे चार शब्द दुनीयादारी के सीखे
लात मर हरामजादी गालीयाँँ दे नीकली
कमीनी हर आंस...

एक सपने को आज बस
धरा ही था अपने कोक मी
हीम्मत नही अब अपने पैदाइश से
दोबारा जलील होने का

आज मेरे हाथों एक खून हुआ है
मेरे सपनों का...

When the friend came home..

2008-05-20T16:17:00.000+05:30

It quite some time when I last saw my parent laughed out their heart.. I swear the past few months been really bad to them ... and the effect is still there pretty much visible in all their expression, all their decisions and all their attitudes. I am not that bad a child who never bother how to switch parents mood when are in real bad shape.. I tried... and I failed.

Then that friend of my dad planned to come to our temporal, scattered, unorganized flat where I was putting up with my parents. Though, I never had any equation with him , still I was happy that he will start digging the deep secrets from my parents heart.. he might will tinkle the wound they have and might in due course of discussion , illustrations and narrations my parents will unload their sorrow.... I was silently thankful to his presence , as I was considering him our maseeha to do what I couldn't. After all he had the advantage of not having any generation gap. Whatever it was, I just want him to play the God for one day of his visit !!

He was welcomed with a big smile from my parents.. I was keeping the finger cross that this smile should stick on their face till that 'Friend' is here... not 'just' smile but the 'originality' in the smile. My mother offered him sweet lime juice and dad took a seat next to him, silently put his hand over his friend's shoulder and said softly .. "Good that you come today".. again there that spark in my fathers eyes which I instantly added in my wish list. Things have already started falling in place.. he had started playing maseeha. Now I was eagerly waiting the discussion about recent past experience of my parents to start. I want my parents to vomit. I want that maseeha to provoke my parents to vomit. No.. I haven't got any signals from him doing that.

Dinner was prepared and served by my mother with great dedication... exchange of information of kids, his wife, his current training sessions, weather conditions at his home town all were being asked and discussed at length. He in turn grab all the info about my fathers post retiral plans, possible trips within and outside India, mothers increasing skillness in preparing birayani ... but when the hell he will ask my parents SADNESS??

Anyways, he was tired and we all headed for sleep..I was hoping the next day for him play the GOD ... mother was over enthusiastic about all the preparations of delicacies she can offer him in a span of a day.. Dad seems like finding his long lost buddy... who else discuss with him about the changing communism of west bengal.. what a great political leader was Jyoti Basu.. how nicely he can offend Sonia Gandhi without uttering any harsh word... what golden time it was to have political leaders like Sarvapalli Radhakrishan when John Keneddy hold umbrella to him... what a marvelous speech it was by B.C roy... and that fellow .. [I really don't remember those historical details] .. when he gave speech in IIT in Hindi and English without having any script and exact translations in both the languages.

He discussed everything from polical scenario, to perspective europe trip to handi chicken preparation to rising real state prices to those good old days they spend together... but not what i wanted...

then he left..

I was disappointed...

but.. when he left, my wish list items were still happening.. that spark and bending of lips which we call 'smile' was still there....

ohh.. he played what i wanted him to play.. he did what he can.... he made my parents realize he is still there to love them, adore them.... he is still there to tell what more life can offer... he boosted that lost confidence by showing them the flashback of their life.... he made my father realize what a great man he has been throughout his life.. and let my mom know what a amazing cook she is.. I am still not sure what he did was a effort from him or its the fact of him being there and conversation thread originated from him did that magic.. but one thing i know by now...

"Its not always necessary to dig the problem to get the solution, sometimes just forgetting the problem is itself the solution "

मैं वो नही

2008-03-08T18:17:00.000+05:30

मैं वो नही
जो मुझसे मेरी परछाई को घटाने के बाद बचता है
मैं वो भी नही
जिसपे शाम की धूप से तुम्हारी परछाई आ के गीरती है
मैं तुम्हारी उम्मीद और मेरे एहसासों की पैदायीश नही
मैं तुम्हारे हासील की एक मीसाल भी नही

मुझे पता है हर वो मुकम्मल सोच
जो मैं नही

पर मेरे मुकम्मल जहां का
दरमीयां हो मालूम जिसे
वो भी तो मैं नही

I Had Started Living More

2008-01-09T14:49:00.000+05:30

Here Comes the New Year !!!

I had always seen people celebrating like crazy... Everyone with their own way to bang the evening. Some Partying hard, Boozing madly, dancing tirelessly. Few just had cool family get together in some hep resort in outskirt of city. I even know of few couple who celebrate it as if its their anniversary.

Above all.. there is so much craziness of "New Year resolution". I never understood why that day alone give you a chance to create a milestone for yourself. Years passes by... I never bothered to care a damn... Never thought of having a rolling milestone which meant to keep a check on me but finally at the end of year gave me a guilt feeling .. after all it just shows how much I am careless about the promises I made to myself 365 days back...

On the contrary, my beginning of every academic year used to boost me a lot. I still remember the
excitement .... "aaah... one full year to finish the course on time..."
the promises..."I swear I will prepare my notes properly this year may be with alternate blue and black ink"... "No matter what.. I will solve all the exercise of reference book"...
and the hope ... "If I do what I planned... I may also TOP this year"
I guess it all started from very beginning .. may be 2nd or 3rd standard with little resolutions of ... "I promise I will retain the brown cover on Class work copy till end of the year"... "I will keep my school bag neat and clean with no hidden chocolate wrappers"

To certain extent this story keep continued... even when I turned into adult, mature, grown up LADY ;)

Only difference was... I used to find myself in this re-birth state of mind when I used to switch jobs... New company, new environment, new boss, new appraisal system, new pay package.. sometimes even new city....
again the excitements ... "smell of sudden 40% hike with job switch", "fresh new project with a stable technology stack"
the promises... "In this comp.. I wont be restricted to only coding... I will look ABOVE and BEYOND of it"
and the hope... "Since I haven't negotiated much during hiring, I am underpaid as per my designation.. my chances of getting good hike is very high"

Amidst all this, new year was merely 1st Jan.
A night to party.. a day off.. may be club it with weekend and go to GOA... catch up on news paper and TV with new year special editions..

This year Story was bit different..
I realized something is changing in me... I was getting excited by "1st Jan".... I was smelling the winter bloom , a freshness of new beginning. By this time I had realized any of my past promises or resolutions were to constraint myself.. making myself disciplined... in short to make me WHAT IS EXPECTED OUT OF ME.

My senses are opening up ... asking me to feel the milestone of LIFE.. a mark of halt to look how i lived my last 365 days.. and how much more I can live in coming 366 days...
I always SPEND 1st Jan, now I want to LIVE 1st Jan.. may just not 1st Jan, but 1st Jan 2008...

Did I told you.. I already made the resolutions to "exercise for 10 mins in the morning"..."1 blog in a month".... "get in touch with old friends who i didn't call in last 7-8 months".....
I am waiting for a bengali new year to come, till then my bong resolutions are on hold ... "watching bimal roys and satyajit ray's movie"... "Finishing at least couple of novel of Bankim Chandra Chottopadhya"
By the way.. when is the Gujarati New Year.. "I have to learn preparing THEPLA"... "want to speak few lines of Gujarati"... "how to wear a Gujarati style sari..."

May be I am asking MORE... May be I have started living MORE...

I am always a step behind

2007-09-12T14:07:00.000+05:30

Why life is a step ahead of me?

Kept wandering like a freak
Just with yen of destiny
Distant voice of ringing bells
May be omen of an alchemist

but Alas !!!!
I was mere a droplet in dirty sea
Why life is a step ahead of me?

A dillusion of siren in foggy night
Someone may just called my name
May be that old lady in the hill
could be rememberence of my kins

no Nothing !!!!
On deep dark night its me not we
Why life is a step ahead of me?

The Devils Wear Prada

2007-06-03T12:19:00.000+05:30

Miranda Priestly: [Miranda and some assistants are deciding between two similar belts for an outfit. Andy sniggers because she thinks they look exactly the same] Something funny?
Andy Sachs: No, no, nothing. Y'know, it's just that both those belts look exactly the same to me. Y'know, I'm still learning about all this stuff.
Miranda Priestly: This... 'stuff'? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean. You're also blindly unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic casual corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A conversation between Miranda Prisley and Andy Sachs from the movie "The Devil Wears Prada".

A movie about a naive young woman comes to New York and scores a job as the assistant to one of the city's biggest magazine editors, the ruthless and cynical Miranda Priestly. Brilliantly acted by Meryl Streep(Miranda Priestly) and justifiably supported by Anne Hathway(Andy Sachs), this movie gave me a stroll to my past.

If not the same, then similar atleast is my voyage of the first job, incidentally or accidentally in the world of glamour. I joined the software division(of merely 4 people) of a big Modeling agency in 2004. They were the Indian franchise of an multinational corporation operating in 48 countries of the world. Needless to mention their turnover was slightly over than my current employer which happens to be one of the biggest software corporation in the world. For me, it was to start the episode of my earnings. Having a masters in computer applications, burning the mid night lamp for grasping the data structures, design patterns and algorithms for years, it took me quite some time to get accustomed to the world of glitter, glamour and fashion. I was also not as smart, hard working and fast learner as 'Andy Sachs', but my 'Miranda Priestly' was far less flagitious, snobbish and pretentious. She was a fashion statement, a lady in mid 50's , separated from husband and survived by two kids.

Many a times I witness the weird look of bookers and agents (who used to book and finalize the modeling assignments for models) towards me. They were mostly the womens in their late thirties, in skimpy outfits and heavily loaded with accessories. A girl in plain salwar suit or torn jeans and plain tee obviously looked alien to them. My working on the software the company was running on or keep the company website up and running was what I was supposed to do, but my outfits used to display my utter disgrace and disrespect toward the religion they used to swear by - FASHION.

My only survival factor was My 'Miranda Priestly'. I had always seen affection in her eyes for me. Seeing me getting depressed in booker's room , she used to put her hands on my head and always used to gave a consoling smile. She once invited me to a party where guest list included the likes of Rohit Bal, Reena Dhaka, Pandit Ravi Shankar, Anoushka Shankar, Priyanka and Robert Vadhera. I couldnot afford to go as it was a late evening event. Next morning all the bookers was mocking at me, it was she who stood up and said "Its her life, let her take the call".

My every visit to bookers room gave me an insight with the most critical news of the industry .. like.. "Karan Johar and Sharukh are Gay of the century" , "Subash Ghai and Ram gopal Verma used to sleep with every girl they feature in their movie and they never cast a girl who denies to sleep"... "Priyanka Chopra is always guarded by her mother and is a big time bitch" ... and what not. My days were going pretty busy, smelling the french perfumes and swiss conditioner whole through the day, seeing Neha Kapoor(Ex Femina Miss Universe) kissing Ignetitios (Model in AXE Deo), Watching Kangana Ranaut (Gangster) flaunting and long legs, suffering the lust in eyes of male accountants (coz for them I was a girl easily to take a ride upon and models and brokers were out of reach for them).

Every passing day was making my life suffocating. My penchant for earning was no longer able to overcome this daily shit. I had enough of witnessing fashion, advocating nudity, smelling cigarette puffs, facing lusty eyes, hearing rumors and bit of working....

One fine day I decided it to call it a day. It was an obvious shock for My 'Miranda Priestly'. I was standing in her room just to say a final bye. she didn't looked at me, she found the Italian glass pane more deserving. She sipped her whiskey, crossed her legs, took a puff.. looked at the bonsai bamboo plant at her table and speak slowly.... "U disappointed me"

Yes indeed, I did... but I saved myself.

Heesab

2007-05-24T19:53:00.001+05:30

Taak pe rakha bahi khata

dhool kaha raha tha barson se

Aaj akelapan khaye ja raha tha

socha kuch dhool poche uske

Saaf kiye cover pe lage deemak
Har akshar boodhe ho gaye the

Jhurriya par gayi thi,

har ek haraf pe

Jindagi ke rakam ka lekha johka

Kharchi me mile jusbaat,

adhoore hi lage hamesha

Kishton me ahsaso ka mol chukate chale

Ahsano ka karz bhi dhoya maine

Kuch chillar aaj bhi,

peechli jeb me pare hue hai

Thokar khake gir jaoo kabhi,

to chan chan kar uth-te hai

Udhari hai doodhwali gulabo pe

Uska aaj ki tareekh me,

mahaz jinda hona..

kafi hai is heeesab ko chukane ke liye

Chaar aane ki husi,

jyada kharch ho gayi thi

us jallad headmaster pe

Aath aane aaj bhi bakaya hai mere

school ke rikshaw wale pe

Chutte nahi hai bolke,

usne pyaar ka heesab

adhoora chor diya tha..

Ab to mujhe dahari me

solah aane gin ke milta hai

So SIMPLE !!!!

2007-04-12T15:20:00.000+05:30

Its a well thought-viz-imposed fact that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus (May be the hidden fact was that their sin were keep on getting exported to EARTH). Anyways I m not here to ignite the debate of origin of abundant species - often termed as human. I cann't dare either to contradict the GENESIS, nor the baseline of GENETIC ENGINEERING. So, what I am here for ?Well I am just doing unethical and daring act to explore a man's psychology verses a Woman's philosophy.

Incidentally and eventually , a man in a woman's world sometimes becomes a victim of their laugh or cause of their tears while on the contrary a women is always a matter of fantasy for a man (until she is his wife... even girl friend also fantasize - well...sometimes).
A Man's psychology is pretty SIMPLE, they can define a woman with just one word... FANTASY .... but in the book of a woman, a man is ... who she can depend upon , a emotional backup , a man of substance, a hero of her dream, a dependable factor for rest of the life, a psychological counterpart , her emotional complementary counterpart ... so on and so forth...
Its really unfair to crude species (man) as usually Venus natives has ONE mars macho to shower all their tankful of emotions, while a man is a broad minded creature.. at one point of time he try to distribute his VIEW to as many women as feasible... So justifiable... So practical... So SIMPLE ...

Few days back I read somewhere that a man is usually found in only three states of mind HUNGRY, THIRSTY or HORNY.. quite SIMPLE !! Well don't think of various flavour , cuisines, ambiance, color or variety associated with any HUNGER-IN-DINNER. Those things are counted when we shift our focus to woman. Even her hunger is by and large sub categorized as ... moderate, dieting, fasting, intimate, romantic, soulful, authentic ........(sometimes even the dress of the waiter is enough to regulate her HUNGER in the restaurant)

Even the most complex task of worldly affair ... Handling a relation.. is SIMPLE(R) for a man in context. The basic fact making them confident is 'She is there' and the last fact which answers all their worry is 'She is there'. Huh... SIMPLE !!! Women tend to make a long journey between these facts. 'He is there' ... on What if .. if tomorrow he is not there... OK i agree he is there, but does that mean he is here ONLY for me... yeah i believe on him but then will i be able to see him if I close my eyes... will I be able to feel the touch if he is distant apart from me.. yeah why not.. after all... 'He is there'. So, women usually ends the journey from where she start and this circular motion drives her and circumference defines her.

.... and the battle of COMPLEX-ING the SIMPLE things (DARE act by WOMAN) and SIMPLIFYING the COMPLEX things (RARE act by MAN) goes on... and a MAN and a WOMAN lived happily(adventurously) ever after...

**Disclaimer : Research done on limited sample of spices available ranging from father, brother, cousin, flames. In Women's section tried exploring in nearest available creature of friends and colleagues only.

SUN(the)DAY !!

2007-04-12T15:18:00.000+05:30

Scene 1 :
Ummm.... here comes the Sunday morning... The girl in India is crawling in her bed.. although its 30 past 10.. but who cares ?? after all its a day free of deadlines and checklist.... what goes in her mind.. is a sweet chat with her man before she leave the bed... so, here our hero .. our dude enters.. a TDH by himself.. with more 'T', less of 'D' and OK on 'H' factors.. dude is 2 hr 30 mins ahead of babe.. might be that's the only thing he is ahead of.. (silly smiles in the background..) .. so here starts series of keystrokes on cell phone while dialing the ISD number.. gal is typing.. "toll free number - pin number - code number - cell number" aah sorry.. forget the in numerous '#' and '$' keys.. hell.. she could have dialled 10 guys in India by this time.. but naaaah her heart is in the southern of continental called AS(S)-ia... phewww....

Scene 2:
Trinnn..trinn.... geeeeee.. triin trinn.. (that 'geeeee' was for astonishing sound effects..).. call landed finally in the city of haaka(s) and chinki(s).. a hoarse male voice comes up.. "hello.. I m 'THE' MAN but not ur MAN, ur MAN is with other MAN, let this MAN handover the call to ur MAN... " aahhh.. the gal was bare dumb listener.. listening the MAN-O-MAN game.. finally her MAN was on the call... with two lines of sweet exchange of mushy, sharukhi words... her MAN suddenly become 'THE' MAN.. "hey.. babe I m into something urgent discussion.. will call u soon.. love u.. ummm.. bye".............. ............... "call disconnected, your available balance is 150 units 50 sub units.. press 1 to redial the number.. "

Scene 3:
Among the weekend chores of bill payment of doodhwala to cablewala...cleaning of already cleaned room.. calling all frnd who are online on weekdays and available on phone on weekends.. finishing the never ending novel ... she was simply waiting for the call of her dude... the most ignorant creature God has ever created mistakenly.. MAN. Bumping her head in pillow.. smashing her teddy which more obvious seems a murder attempt.. squeezing the stress ball.. dunno which one got more stress relieved.. she or the ball ?? That soon factor of 'Call u SOON' had already been postponed by 5 hrs... and then addition of 3 hrs with every passing hour.. ;) .. yes that's the way galz time tables are supposed to be...

Scene 4:
Same bed, same gal, same waiting mode.... yeah outside climate has changed by now.. sorry, forget to mention.. its now evening in India... staring at the cell phone she expects it to ring.. might be she is just too confident enough of her magical, metamorphic, majestic smile could even make his MAN call sitting 2000 miles away... wish Karan Johan witness this scene.. hey !!!! .. twist in tale !!!!!! at 9'O clock IST.. Cat-O-9 happened... Trinnnn .. Trinnnnnnn..... (No 'geeeee' this time.. to maintain the sanity of seriousness of the situation)
Dude : Helllooo.. How are u my dear ???
Babe : I'm ok
Dude : Dear.. I called up to say... I won't be able to call tonight ........... BOOOOOM
Babe : Fine
Dude : See.. u are not talking fine.. ? I'm getting angry... whats up?
Babe : I'm waiting for so long.. why the hell u didn't call?
Dude : So what? You could have called

Huh !!!!! Bliss of intellectuality... what can be the more simple answer for this most complex situation... gal is dumb.. to maintain the respect of womanhood.. to maintain the dignity... to show the power of India lady.. she finally replied will full courage in heart and confidence in voice ...
Babe : U didn't remember me whole through the day.. why should i call u ?
Dude : When did i forget u .. sweaty ?

[ SILENCE ]